Originally Published January 25, 2021on Mary's Blog
During my years at the Naval Academy, the Glee Club put on a 1961 satirical musical by the same title as this blog post. It was one of the first times women midshipmen were used in a musical production. I remember watching the musical as it poked fun at climbing the corporate ladder without having to work that hard. What was a fun way to spend a weekend as a midshipman isn’t actually fun in Real Life. Many of us are trying to succeed in business or in volunteer service by trying really hard. The resulting burnout, especially in this pandemic season, is a serious issue.
You can recognize burnout symptoms by that never-ending feeling of overwhelm and of losing the joy you once had. Women, in particular respond to this by beating themselves up, thinking it’s their own fault that they feel this way, and thinking they need to work harder.
What are the relational skills needed to address burnout or exhaustion?
Know when to rest
We normally think that we rest from our work, but I submit that the best way is to work out of our rest. The rhythms we see all around us in nature, like season to season and sun up to sundown, show us the necessary rest and work pattern. It is impossible to disregard. Books and podcasts alike are detailing companies that have reduced their workweek by hours and have increased their productivity as employees have been energized by rest and recovery in their day. Ministry and entrepreneurs are even more challenged to take seriously the need to rest in their days. Are you getting adequate rest?
Know when to stop
Recently I was talking with a volunteer who expressed concern about what she was being asked to do. As I stopped the conversation, making sure she was okay, she was near tears. I told her that I knew that the work’s relational nature might make it hard to say “no,” but she needed to consider that very word. “No” is a complete sentence. If friends and those whom you enjoy working with cannot take a no without a lot of probing and challenging, you need to examine those relationships. To stop is wise when to continue leads to burnout or perhaps even just leaving outright. Saying no has got to be easier than leaving when it comes to a mission or job you love. Examine where the energy and excitement come from in your life, and do more of that. Where the work drains you, do less. Learning what needs to stop altogether is key to thriving in the work you do. Where do you need to say no?
Know how to return to joy
“Joy is a relational experience that is the basis for the spiritual experience, human bonding, healthy identity growth, and good health generally. Joy is the feeling many experience as “falling in love” with their baby, their grandchild, their first love, a puppy, and a face that just lights up to see us.” From Life Model (linked below)
Sometimes we become so exhausted, or we live in such conflict, that we forget joy is our natural and normal way to live.
Returning to joy is our ability to stay connected in our most meaningful relationships in the midst of difficult and unpleasant feelings. The ability to recover and restore from such distress is a necessary skill. When we can quickly calm ourselves and stay connected in the relationship we have learned our return-to-joy skills. When, while experiencing unpleasant feelings, we can act like the same person when we’re glad to be with others, we have learned our return-to joy skills. Where is your joy today?
While your excitement at the beginning of the new year is still high, weaving these three skills into your daily and weekly rhythms will be vital to maintaining that energy throughout the year. Succeeding in business without really trying may be good subject matter for a satire, but succeeding in business requires a trying that is tempered with knowing when to rest, knowing when to stop, and knowing how to return to joy and it will certainly result in healthy growth.
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